Affair

When you read that word, what comes to mind?  Scandals?  Unfaithful?  Cheater?  Worthless? Anger?  Leave them now!?!  Many thoughts can cross a persons mind.  When I think of this word it brings shame.

One month ago today, I found out that my husband had used the internet to look for other women to talk to.  Gasp you say?!?!?!  I was filled with anger and hurt and feelings of being unworthy and not enough.  I wanted to run as far away as I could from him.  He had done the unthinkable and hurt me.  I didn’t make it very far as I called and talked to two trusted people who told me to turn around and deal with the situation because running was not going to resolve the issue.  I am BEYOND GRATEFUL for those wise people!

I went through emails and read the lies.  He pulled down his profile, and closed out the email.  You might ask, can’t he do that again and YES he can do that again.  However we have hunkered down hard and made the choice to turn towards Jesus.  In the days following God’s timing is perfect!  We had planned a trip to Florida but did not go.  Instead we spent the next four days, with each other.  Mostly phone and tv free.  He knew there was a problem and we dug into God’s word, and a wonderful book that walks through the affair of a pastor and his wife.  It brought hope and even brought healing as we forgave each other.

Wait, each other????  You were in the wrong too?  YOU BETCHA!  When I moved to Indiana, I signed up for classes at Ivy Tech.  It was about 45minutes away from where we lived and I found friendship in a professor that as I look back on was an emotional affair of the heart.  There was NEVER any physical unfaithfulness throughout that, however I was getting my emotional needs met through the professor.  You see, I didn’t tell my then husband about all the times we had met for coffee or lunch.  We connected and had a special bond.  Not a typically friendship bond.  This bond we had, we laughed and would talk for hours.  We got each other!  He knew me….he knew when I was having a rough day.  He dated other women but always kept me on the side.  I met each of his girlfriends.  They knew about me but his realtionships with the girls never lasted.  Later he stated it was because of me.  As I look back this made me feel used.

When I went through my divorce he walked with it through me.  My ex accused me of having an affair with him.  I DENIED it because I did not see it as such.  In my mind an affair was sexual.  I am BEYOND GRATEFUL that God opened my eyes  to see what was happening!  One night he and I were walking while I was going through my divorce and he asked me when I would be ready to date and immediatly said in a year but I always said I didn’t want to date him because I enjoyed what we had and didn’t want to ruin it with a dating relationship.

Byron met him and tried hard to find something that he could pin point that an affair was going on but at the time he couldn’t.  Again, God peeled back the dirt from my eyes to be able to see my own sin during a time when my husband was struggling.  I have asked for forgiveness from my ex husband and my husband in regards to the affair of the heart and emotions I was having with this person.

I am grateful that God is in the restoration business and is allowing Byron and I to turn something broken into something beautiful.  Stay tuned for more.

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