Today at church the emotion that I felt was not expected. I’ve been trying to keep it all together but today it came flowing out!
A few weeks ago I had to make the hard choice to not go to Iowa and I wrote about that. Well, this weekend would have been when we were to be there. Instead I was at Madison Park and God KNEW that was right where I needed to be!
You see, I have been frustrated with life lately. Frustrated with my job, I love working at Penny’s but I am restless in the position I am in. I am frustrated because here I am 35 and when most people my age would already have a position in management but I did life backwards and have not been consistence in my job choices or schooling, so this is where I am at. I’m not going to lie I have applied at other places but the truth is none of it is going to produce fast ways up the ladder. Nobody ever got to the top fast, it’s slow and steady. I need to find a way to add to what I already have.
I am frustrated but maybe more restless with school. I have been going at school for what seems like forever and I want to be done but the motivation is not there. I am discouraged and the enemy comes creeping in and says things like your not going to do a good enough job, your not good enough, why try it’s already late, your not going to understand it. These are ALL LIES STRAIGHT FROM THE PIT OF HELL! These are my strongest and hardest enemies that I face DAILY! I am good enough I just need to keep believing it and lay these burdens down at the feet of Jesus!
I am frustrated and hurt about the way the time I am getting to spend with my children is going or lack of. I am going out on a limb here but I feel as though all my ex’s church activities rate higher than the children spending time with their mom. It HURTS! Not going to lie! I am broken over this but am not sure what to do at this point about it.
The message today was EXACTLY what I needed! Pastor Rolland spoke on Balance and he referenced Luke 10:38-42 where Martha was frustrated with her sister for taking the time to sit at Jesus feet and take it in. Martha was busy preparing dinner and taking the time to be still!
There was three points that stuck out to me:
“Unbalanced people have a great gift of phasing God IN and OUT!” GUILTY of this!
“A restless work stye produces a restless person.” Gordon MacDonald
The above quote defiantly can identify each of the frustrations that I am dealing with! Instead of doing the following “Be STILL and KNOW that I am God!” Psalms 46:10 I tend to spend time running from this to that and never accomplish anything. But rather I need to BE STILL in HIS presences! That will bring me the greatest amount of PEACE EVER!
The song I started with “Come As You Are”, had me in unable to speak but the tears were rolling down the cheeks as we sang the chorus:
“So lay down your burdens,
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are…”
As you go about your week take time to BE STILL and if you think about it say a prayer that I’ll remember to BE STILL! My dad’s birthday is next Sunday and I can use your prayers for strength to get through the day!