This post is more for my healing and the ones to come over the next few weeks and months are that as well.
This past weekend I found out something that I will not share here but it opened an old wound. A wound that I thought I had covered up well. I hid it deep down where your not supposed to feel! I hid it in the depths because I was busy just trying to survive in that moment to deal with the consequences. Tonight that pain surfaced! It was raw! I suspect that over the next few months more pain will surface and I will work through it rather than shove it! I will feel it. I can now say I know how you FEEL rather than oh I am sorry. We can get at a place in life where we were hurt over and over again and we don’t allow ourselves to feel the pain because that would hurt. Well I am ready to take the pain head on and allow it to rear it’s ugly head, wrestle it to the ground and kick it in the butt. I’m ready to fight it. I’m ready to feel it. I’m ready to let it go.
Hi ya’ll! I’m linking up with Kelly’s Korner today! I am a mom who became a heart mom on January 29, 2006. My son Timmy was born on December 20, 2005 via c-section. My only “normal” pregnancy and delivery. He had RSV and was transferred to Blank Children’s Hospital where these words rocked my world “Do you know your son has a heart murmur?” From there life was no longer “normal”. After weeks in the PICU with the RSV and his lungs healed at 5 months old he went into the OR for a coarctation repair. This was a short procedure and was a closed heart procedure which was good. He is now a healthy happy 7 year old boy! We actually just saw the cardiologist yesterday and he said his heart looks beautiful and that we don’t need to see them for 12-18 months and no EKG for 24-32 months!!! He although does have a “cough” that requires an inhaler each day. So, we see the pulmonary doc every 6 months. His pulmonary issues are a result of the RSV and vent.
My daughter has Vitiligo which is a discoloration in the skin. For her unfortunately it is right on her check and neck. In the winter it is hardly noticeable but in the summer it’s right there because she tans. There is no pigmentation to protect that area so we have to be careful when in the sun. She just tell’s people that’s the way God made me!
My youngest son, has a curvature of the spine. Now that we know that there is something that can be done regarding this before it get’s to the point of surgery we are being proactive. He is going next week because it is getting worse. I have Schurmann’s Kyphosis and a bit of Scolo.
I am not going into great detail regarding these issues as I talk about them frequently on my blog! 🙂
If you’ve been around Worship Music or the church for any length of time I am sure you have sang a Matt Redman song! He’s been around forever and has written many of the song’s we sing in churches today! His new album is a close run with 10,000 Reasons for being my favorite of his albums! The title song “Your Grace Finds Me” is such a sweet song about God’s amazing Grace! Defiantly a heart and mind thinker/stopper. Then the end song the “Benediction” Wow…that song just ends the album so beautifully. I am sure this will become a stable in the church as well! GO download off of iTunes! What are you waiting for? Do IT NOW!
This dude is a worship leader from Nashville! I had never heard of him but he started following me on twitter so I thought why not?! His music is very deep, thought provoking, poetry written songs! He did a version of 10,000 Reasons that just really hit me. I’ve heard this song hundreds of times before but it was the deepness of the piano that added richness to the song. Bam! Go check him out on iTunes! He has two albums! Good Stuff people!
Lisa Harper, Sheila Walsh and Natalie Grant
Oh yes and I got to meet Mrs. Patsy Clairmont!
Natalie Grant singing “Held” with Missy and Lisa on the screen!
Last night I went to Nashville, TN with my friend Lori! I had never been but that will not be the last trip down there! We left around 1p.m. and got home around 4a.m. this morning! I went down there because my friend Lisa Harper is adopting a little girl from Haiti named Missy. She is 4 years old and is HIV positive. The benefit was to raise funds to help with the ongoing medical expenses that Missy will have. Lisa is 50, single, has the most infectious smile ever, loves Jesus and is a hoot! I would not have missed this night! There was Sheila Walsh, Christine Cain, Todd Smith, Natalie Grant, Mandisa, Sandi Patty and Jaime Grace. It was a night where the heavens opened up and God’s presences was there! Natalie Grant and Sandi Patty sang together which was fun! They sang very spur of the moment “There Is Strength In The Name of the Lord!” Sandi wrote the chorus of this song many years ago while grocery shopping from the produce section to the cheese section! Then Gloria Gaither wrote the verses. I had never heard Christine Cain speak before but she was phenomenal! It was her 47th birthday and she was adopted! She shared her story it was perfectly fitting for her to be there. Sandi sang a song but I can’t remember which one it was but it was about children growing up…and Jen was there….to watch the connection between them was just beautiful! The prayer is to have Missy home by Christmas! Keep praying!
After my second surgery, I stayed at Methodist Hospital for a week. I was going to be stubborn and go to REHAB this time! I knew EXACTLY where 100 feet was when I got up to walk and I would walk to 99 feet turn around and go back. They were not going to make me walk father than I had to! I was so happy to leave Methodist Hospital…that is another post in and of itself! I left on a Friday. Was giving some pain meds for the bumpy ride across to Hooks Rehab at Community East. I arrived and was really tired. The nurse told me you are sleeping too much to be here for Rehab because when you are inpatient Rehab you MUST be able to do more than 3 hours of Rehab! I told her to take me off the pain meds! They did and I did AWESOME! I was so stinking happy to be off the pain meds! I did well in rehab and went home a week later. I did have a hard time emotionally though because I did not have a ton of physical support in the way of people seeing me. I am an OVERCOMER though! I have not gone on pain meds again almost 2 years post op this October! I am standing taller and straighter! And I am proud of where I have come from 3 years ago!
between 50-75 staples
brace…..taller and straighter.
I love Wednesday night’s because it’s CHURCH night!!!! I get to fellowship and eat with other believers AND I get to hang out with jr. high kids! We laugh a lot and I have a really cool co-leader named Hunter! She’s AWESOME and brings depth and insight into our small group too! I also love the example that she is to other young ladies as she is a senior in college and now dating! THAT is AWESOME example!!!!!! 😀 Hope your having a blessed middle of the week!
You may be thinking….she has LOST it!! Or she looks very scary! Well, one thing I have learned throughout this whole process is that your ATTITUDE effects your OUTCOME! Friday Morning October 28th, 2011 at 6a.m. was the time I had to be at Methodist Hospital to get ready for my 12 hour surgery at 7a.m.! Yup! You read that right! I was out for a NICE LONG name! Being a mom that sleep was much anticipated even if it was under anesthesia! On a side note my dad and Grandma Cobb had driven in from Iowa the day before to see me before my surgery and spend time with the kids on Friday while I was in surgery and Josh was at the hospital. I knew my dad was coming when he kept calling to see if we were still at the Children’s Museum! He was trying to surprise me! I spent my last day pre surgery at my FAVORITE place with my kids! It was a nice distraction to what was coming up. Back to the day of surgery. I had signed my life away and now it was wait time. My Doctor came in to check on me and I had on the above glasses and teeth. He laughed! I didn’t see him again until the OR. When the staff came in to take me to the OR I had on my glasses and teeth! Anyone who has gone into the OR know you generally have nothing on but a gown! So, as I was going down the hall everyone was laughing and I had a BIG ol smile on my face as I was headed into a long and a little scary surgery. I’ll never forget as I was being pushed into the OR saying “Let’s get this party started!” I was ready! I knew whose I was and that He had gone BEFORE me! Whatever was going to come of the surgery God had me in the palm of his hand! I handed my glasses and teeth over while I was transferred to the table. Once I was out the staff asked my doctor if I was always like “that?” He said “Yup! She doesn’t take life too seriously!” I was glad to be able to provide some humor. It is a delicate surgery because your bones fuse together and with all the nerves the doctor can’t go in and unscrew and take the old rods out. They have to delicately work around your nerves and rebreak the fusion. After 10 hours of delicately taking out the old hardware, in went the THICKEST stainless steal rods, 22 screws and some cross links. I was told it was intense getting the lower part of the rod in. 12 hours later and I am rolled out of the OR to ICU. I was swollen and on the vent for 24 hours. I remember waking up and my dad and grandma being in the room. I remember asking how my kids were and if they had fun at “That Fun Place”. They had! Saturday morning getting extubated was the WORST thing EVER!!!!!! You have to cough and be alert enough to help get the tube out! I remember getting sick but not calling the nurse in because I fell back asleep and having staff come in and ask why I didn’t call them in. I now weird things you remember! Sunday night I was moved down to “the floor”! Before they moved me to the floor the nurse gets a bag out and says are these yours? I was like NO WAY!!! They had SAVED the glasses and the teeth! I said I won’t wear the teeth because I had been sick BUT I would wear the glasses! It brought a smile to the staff’s face! Not a fun place to go because you wait and wait and wait to go to the bathroom and NO ONE comes! So, I got up and went on my own! Not supposed to do that but when you have to go you have to go! I did not have a lot of support once I was on the floor. I was teary. I was tired of the hospital food. I wanted real food! I entertained the doctors with my ideas from thinking too much on how to improve the hospital food. They were even thinking of doing a pot luck to cheer me up! We didn’t end up doing that but it was nice that they thought of me! Next week I’ll finish up with rehab and where I am today!
Post op! Thank you JESUS for healing me!
Alanna Story sang this song on Sunday during worship! They kicked it out of the park! Christ IS ENOUGH for me!!! Is HE Enough for you?